Friday, February 17, 2012

#LunchTimePresser...Its What We DO

We know how the season has gone, we know we find our fun where we can. Today was another day, another #lunchtimepresser. They are all in good fun, and hopefully...people on twitter get as much of a kick out of them as I do...honestly, a lot of the stuff you guys ask makes me stop and laugh out loud.

In what has become another tradition, my great friend, Chad, offers up his recap, this time, Fake Aaron Portzline/ "Puck Rakers" style...Thanks to Chad for being such a great add on to the event...as I've said before, we've got to make our own fun this season, and to me, Chad's recaps do that in spades...with tongue firmly planted in cheek, I give you...the lunch time presser recap (while I laugh at my own expense :) )

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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Mac and Cheese are here to stay … but for how long?

 AlisonL held another #lunchtimepresser today at 11 a.m. The twitterverse was invited to watch her announce … well, nothing really. Despite numerous reports of both Mac and Cheese being available for trade, AlisonL declared that Mac and Cheese is still on the menu, and the usual chefs are still in charge of lunch.

“I'm not going to blow up my menu. I have a plan,” she said. However, she has left lunch fans guessing as to what her plan may actually entail. When pressed, she refused to go into any specifics.

Contrary to the official announcement, sources had confirmed to me early this morning that AlisonL had asked both Mac and Cheese if they would be willing to waive their no-trade clauses. It seems she is desperately trying to move Macaroni and is willing to receive significantly less than what she paid for it.

Cheese, a much more versatile ingredient and a staple of AlisonL’s cooking since the beginning, would only give five locations where it would be willing to be utilized. Rumors say those include Chipotle, Piada, Arby’s, Pizza Hut, and Cheetos. AlisonL denied the rumored trade with CiCi's Pizza that Cheese supposedly nixed.

If AlisonL wishes to keep both Mac and Cheese despite putting them on the open market, it may be difficult to recover the meal’s broken morale. Asking an ingredient to waive its no-trade clause is like asking a live chicken if it would be OK with being inhumanely butchered into tiny pieces and thrown into an oven at 400 degrees for 17 minutes.

While the initial #lunchtimepresser announcement was unimpressive, a few interesting details were revealed when AlisonL took questions from the members of the twitter media who were in attendance.

AlisonL divulged that the main reason for the lunchtime failures has been that the ingredients had outlived their expiration dates. “All of our food has suffered from not staying fresh,” she said. “This certainly can leave a palate wanting more.”

The blame for the spoiled ingredients seems to lie with a faulty freezer door lock. She admitted that the door keeps opening unexpectedly. She tried propping the door closed with boxes filled with lunch ingredients, but that idea backfired. “All the boxes got kicked as people walked by and are all bent and busted now,” she said. Not only did the ingredients spoil, but they were also injured and bruised more than they should have been.

This is not the place for a reporter, not a columnist, to have an opinion, but fans are clearly frustrated that, despite having such a dismal lunch, AlisonL does not seem to be taking breakfast very seriously, either. Breakfasts are still optional, but it seems to this humble reporter that a solid and balanced breakfast foundation to start the day could go a long way toward better lunch preparations. When someone eats lunch without eating breakfast, they just don’t usually have the kind of success that they were hoping for. If adding a winning nutritional breakfast could lead to enough successful lunches, perhaps we’ll start talking about enjoying our lunches during dinnertime. Hopefully that is a part of AlisonL’s grand plan.
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