Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Laugh So You Don't Cry...or In Which This Blog Pauses for a Truly Silly Moment

Fans, Its a rough year to be sure. In a season where we are striving to find the positive things, I've been lucky to meet some great people who are often more rewarding that a Blue Jackets win. Some of us have come together on Twitter a few times for what has now been deemed the "lunchtime presser". If you follow me on twitter, you've seen the craziness that ensues. What started as a way to make fun of "coach speak" and sports platitudes, has turned into a less negative way to vent about the current state we are in and voice all our opinions without (i hope) getting too upset.

In the spirit of making our own fun, the lunch time presser now has its own editorial coverage, courtesy of my great friend Chad. With sincere appreciation, and more than a few laughs, I present to you the first official coverage of the lunch time presser.

If you haven't followed these - you might as well stop reading now because it will just look ridiculous. But, if you have attended our "pressers", I hope more than a couple of you will be able to get a few grins and laughs in a season during which they are sorely needed. (And, this whole thing is so silly, hopefully you can understand why this is here and not on the esteemed Dark Blue Jacket blog - I fear if I posted this there they'd revoke my membership ;) )

Without further ado, and with tongue firmly implanted in cheek, and all characterizations below completely fictional - I give you full #LunchTimePresser coverage courtesy of Chad:


Dutchman No Stranger to Lunchtime Success

Fake Michael Arace here. AlisonL held a lunchtime press conference today to announce that, despite the fans' clamoring for change, she will be continuing her current salad agenda for her lunch into the immediate future.

AlisonL recently attained the services of her husband Stephen L, known as "Dutchman" in expert lunchtime circles, to adviser her in the day-to-day lunch preparation operation.

AlisonL admonished that Dutchman has been unable to assist her thus far because he is still at the grocery store, agonizing over the vacuous produce section.

Dutchman is no stranger to successful meals. It is estimated that he has had a hand in approximately 43,800 winning meals throughout his prodigious lifetime. His experience and commendation will no doubt benefit AlisonL, who has become lugubrious for the duration of her workday after consuming the vexing salad each day.

I once attended one of Dutchman's adult amateur league hockey games on the ice at a roomy Nationwide Arena with Rick Gethin. Gethin, another brilliant food connoisseur who could have been holding his own lunchtime pressers had the cards fallen his way, is now traveling the country a la Food Nework prodigy Guy Fieri, eating complex lunches from far away lands of which AlisonL couldn't begin to fantasize.

Suddenly, during a stoppage in play, Gethin stood up from his cushy lower-bowl seat and motioned to Dutchman, bringing his hands across his waist as if affixing a WWE championship belt. "Hey Dutch," he exclaimed, "discount double check!!"

The wisdom Gethin was imparting on the young Dutchman was that, when selecting among the vast array of available ingredients begging for their chance to be a star in the grand salad scheme, be sure to not only check for the best valued ingredients that can play major roles while coming at an affordable price, but also to then "double check" once more to ensure accuracy and congeniality in the final product.

Gethin was a wise man. Hopefully the lessons he has instilled on Dutchman will lead toward success for the AlisonL salad experiment, for we could all use a "discount double check" right about now.


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